Most well-meaning people strive to use correct grammar in day-to-day speech and writing, but sometimes the “correct” usage is a mystery, and we just sort of guess.  And unfortunately, a lot of us guess wrong.  So for today’s GUMP post, I thought I’d address three of the most common grammatical mysteries.

1.  Should I use WHO or WHOM?

You do not automatically sound smarter when you insert a WHOM into your speech.  Whom has very specific grammatical rules, and it’s probably because so many people don’t understand those rules that the word is not in common use anymore.  When in doubt, use WHO, and you will rarely be challenged.

However, if you want to use WHOM correctly, try this easy test:

Consider whether HIM or HE will fit into the sentence instead, and you’ll know immediately whether you should use WHO or WHOM.  Just remember the M.  If he is the correct choice, you’ll use WHO (HE and WHO do not contain M’s).  If him is the correct choice, then you’ll use WHOM (HIM and WHOM both contain an M).

Example 1:

The lady who/whom crashed into my car was drunk.

Now choose:  HIM crashed into my car.  OR  HE crashed into my car.

The choice is obvious:  HE crashed into my car is correct.

There is no M in HE.

Therefore you need WHO in the original sentence:  The lady who crashed into my car was drunk.

Example 2:

I wasn’t sure who/whom I should thank for the gift.

Now choose:  I should thank HIM.  OR I should thank HE.

Obviously, I should thank HIM is correct.

There is an M in HIM.

So WHOM is correct in the sentence:  I wasn’t sure whom I should thank for the gift.

Another easy rule of thumb:  If there’s a preposition, you’ll use WHOM.  To whom, from whom, behind whom, under whom.  To WHOM should I address my comments?  To HIM.

(I apologize for the apparently sexist nature of this advice, but the mnemonic just doesn’t work with SHE and HER.)

2.  Should I use ME or I

One of the most common mysteries.  In fact, it was my mom’s #1 pet peeve.  Between she and I, we’ve been fighting it for years.  Her estimation of a person’s intelligence would plummet the moment the error emerged from that person’s lips.  Which is a shame, since many very intelligent people do it.  I’ve heard newscasters and even English teachers do it.

Did you catch the error?  Didja?  Huh?  It’s there.  Read that paragraph again.

If you didn’t catch it, chances are pretty good that you might even do it yourself.

The Mystery:  “Between she and I,” which appears in the above paragraph, is an error.  Similarly, “Tom is going to the movies with Mary and I” is incorrect.  So is “This is a picture of my dog and I” and so is “The university’s decision to change the graduation requirements affected the other students and I worse than most other people.”   It really bothers my mom and I when people do this!

The Solution:  You can check for correctness by taking the second person/other people out of the sentence.  Leave yourself in.

“Tom and I are going to the park” can be changed to “I am going to the park,” and you can see it works just fine.

But when you change “Tom is going to the movies with Mary and I” to “Tom is going to the movies with I,” you can see immediately that it’s obviously wrong, as is “the new requirements affected I.”  And “it really bothers I” is just plain silly.

It really, truly is correct to say “Tom is going to the movies with Mary and me.”  Or “This is my favorite picture of my dog and me.”  (Or even “me and my dog,” though technically, the other person should come first.)

3.  Should I use ITS or IT’S?

Here’s the thing with this one:  IT’S is ALWAYS a contraction of IT IS.

Always.  Period.  No exceptions.

This grammatical mystery exists because we have been taught that when you add an S in a possessive, you need to add an apostrophe as well.

Most of us know to add an apostrophe to show possession:  This is Melinda’s blog.

So when we use the possessive of IT, we often add an apostrophe before the S, perhaps without even thinking.

But stop and think about it.  HERS, OURS, and THEIRS are all possessive, too, and none of them uses an apostrophe.  Possessive pronouns don’t use them.  They just don’t.

So the check for this one is another simple substitution.   If you’re not sure which one to use in a sentence, replace it with IT IS.

IT’S hot outside” becomes “IT IS hot outside.”  Ahh.  Correct.

And “the cow chewed IT’S cud” becomes “The cow chewed IT IS cud.”

Yeah, that pretty much makes NO sense.  The correct choice here is ITS.

There!  Three mysteries solved!  Don’t you feel better?

I do.